In
an ideal relationship, we’d only allow our partners to see the best
version of us at all time. But in REAL relationships, we often allow
them to see, both, the best and worst we have to offer.
This is
understandable. Living with someone, sharing money and toilet seats,
seeing them day in and day out — it gets a bit stressful. It’s simply
too hard to put forth our 100 percent best, 100 percent of the time.
Still,
letting your guard down in front of men you date is one thing, but
adopting an unconscious self-sabotaging role is quite another.
What
many women don’t realize is it’s very easy to accidentally sabotage
your relationship — you don’t need to hack into your partner’s email or
boil his pet rabbit to raise a red flag. Rather, simply acting like one
of the following will more than do the trick:
1. The Ball Buster
The
typical “Ball Buster” seeks control of the relationship by putting her
man in his place … repeatedly. She views herself as a “problem-solver.”
Though she has noble intentions (sometimes), constantly telling her man
his way is the wrong way isn’t so much noble as it is infuriatingly
annoying.
By trying to control him, she undermines his thoughts,
wishes, and, perhaps most importantly … his sense of competence. All of
this robs him of something each man holds near and dear: his
masculinity.
2. The Mother
“The Mother” does exactly what
it sounds like — she mothers her partner. She dotes on him, she fusses
and worries, she believes he can do no wrong, perhaps she even picks out
a sailor suit and knee socks for him to wear on the first day at his
new job.
She also preoccupies herself with the emotional
barometer of the relationship. This might sound healthy, but it’s
actually not. The “Mother” puts all the relationship (all the joys, all
the sorrows, all the ups and downs) — on her back. She puts pressure on
herself and herself alone; it’s her duty to make the relationship work.
She’s constantly wondering how he’s feeling, where she stands, and whether he is okay and what she can do to fix it.
The
problem with this role is two-fold. First, a girlfriend or wife who
acts like a man’s mother will lead him to rebel. After all, that’s what
children do. Second, it’s unfair for a woman to baby a grown man! She
might not mind it initially, but it’ll only lead to resentment down the
line.
3. The Love Vixen
“The Love Vixen” is a charmer,
forever able to draw men into her waiting arms. She does this by
defining herself with her se*uality. In other words, she controls her
mate with s*x. The reason this sabotages a relationship is because she’s
essentially manipulating and blackmailing her partner — if he wants
s*x, he must do what “The Love Vixen” wants.
And, it’s safe to say: Any relationship based on blackmail probably won’t remain successful for long.
4. The Damsel in Distress
The concept of “The Damsel in Distress” is simple: Boy meets girl, boy rescues girl, boy, and girl lives happily ever after.
It
may sound romantic, easy and productive, but it only works for a little
while. In the long run, a damsel can’t always be in distress (unless
she stars in several Lifetime Movies) and the man can’t always act as
the hero. It’s too exhausting — and unrealistic — on both fronts. In the
end the man ends up resenting her for her incompetence.
5. The Tease
Most
of us, at one time or another, have known a tease, the type of person
who teases only to pull away before she seals the deal. Though this
isn’t necessarily sabotaging in moderation, overindulgence leads to
feelings of frustration. Like actual teasing, it’s fun at first, but
then it gets old real fast.
Too much teasing builds a wall
between two partners, a foundation they can’t surmount because of a
disconnect. He feels unsatisfied, inadequate, and she feels lonely —
both partners feel as if they can’t express themselves openly and
honestly.
6. The Accountant
“The Accountant” focuses on
the equality of a relationship — the complete and TOTAL equality. A
woman in this role may keep track of who pays for what and when (some
may even track it to the dollar amount or take into consideration each
other’s respective salaries). The problem here is that relationships
aren’t business; they’re pleasure. If they’re not seen as enjoyable,
intimacy will fall by the wayside and love just becomes collateral
damage.
7. The Princess
When a woman plays the role of
“The Princess,” she cares less about love than she does about being
adored and put on a pedestal. To put it simply, “The Princess” wants to
marry a man who views her as a trophy wife. Women who adopt this role
aren’t only robbing their significant other of happiness (as their
relationship is empty and for show), but also robbing themselves, taking
away a chance at real love and connection.
In the end, every
woman has played one of these roles (and men play their own roles, as
well). On occasion, falling into these roles probably won’t affect your
relationship much at all. However, playing them repeatedly destroys
relationships until there’s nothing left to ruin
